Long lost

Sensations to ponder about, thoughts to write about
Yet silence is what I accept, without doubt
Time seems to elude me, so is the text
Savor the moment for I may not be braver for the next

Illusions I have built, so is the sand castle
For ages it felt, all that they did was dazzle
There was no castle, either sand or brick
It was just my mind that played the trick

Memories shattered, emotions battered
Mind drifted, thoughts scattered
Unbearable as it may seem, endure them I should
Freedom is all I seek, find it if you could

I will be forgotten, my words ignored
Others will fill the place, their presence adored
But thank you, my dear
For everything cheer, including the tear.

Compliments

The basis for this post is one of Seinfeld's stand-up gags. The argument is that when someone complements the clothes that you wear, they are faithfully complementing that particular article of clothing and absolutely nothing else. So when I say, 'Hey that's a nice shirt you are wearing', ok or Baliga says 'oh really. Thank you' and takes pride in them assuming the complement was showered on them rather than the shirt itself. (ok and Baliga no offence :P)

I tend to disagree with this hypothesis. It may be so that the shirt in question is absolutely fabulous but it also has to suit the person who is wearing that shirt, for that matter it's true for most pieces of clothing. (unquestionably so for lingerie :D)

So how does this particular observation fit into my life? I recently got a brand new Altima coupe and have been receiving complements for it from friends, to office folks, to complete strangers in parking lots.

Even though it's all nice and sweet, it just doesn't make me all happy and proud. Unlike the clothing argument, my looks are totally immaterial to the fact that I am driving a super sexy car. I have noticed strangers ogling at my car for five straight minutes, look embarrassed when I walk up to the car, complement my car and leave instantly. This makes it all the more worse more so when done by a gorgeous damsel as her untimely disappearance upon my arrival paints a false picture that it's me who makes the car look awful. Sigh!

Rains

Never felt them to be anything special all my life but all that changed today morning. Not that I danced to glory in the rain with bone chilling winds blowing over my body which our scantily clad bollywood heroines seem to enjoy in one of those item numbers or some such stupid thing but a genuine sense of longing.

We grown ups are so engrossed in making lives complicated for ourselves that we never really take the time to stop and appreciate the small things.

How I wish I would be tightly tucked in the bed with some hot chocolate to relish on. That tepid feeling you get under the comforter. That warm feeling which fills you up from the inside when u take a sip of that hot chocolate. That tingling feeling when your palms engulf the hot chocolate mug with the cold air breezing past your fingers. That soft music created by rain droplets which come crashing down from high above. A book to ponder on or a movie to acquire pleasure from, how I wish I was a kid again! Life was so right then.

A Prejudice about Opinions

Never have an opinion unless you are paid for it…

PS: This one is original.

How I ended up doing nothing :(

While in India, I wanted to enjoy every moment, talk to my hearts content with family and friends, share a quiet moment with my home, travel on the bus and those share autos, take a long walk, go to the usual grocery store, and do everything just once that reminded me of something special. I didn't have any time to sit down and blog all those wonderful events. The idea was that I would have all the time in the world once I am back. Once I was back, I was home sick, wanted to catch up with friends, reduce my slack in work, and to take it easy for a few weeks. It's been a little more than a month now and I find that the intensity of those feelings has reduced, some incidents totally forgotten, confusion as to where to start and where to end. This is the story of how I wanted to blog some of my most cherished experiences and ended up doing nothing.

Happy Diwali

May the festival of lights,
Fill your life with endless delights,
Good fortunes and good times,
Be plentiful as your year brightens.

Wish you all a very happy Diwali.

Monkey business

Recently the deputy mayor for New Delhi was killed by a horde of wild running monkeys. Well apparently he fell to his death from his terrace after trying to evade a group of monkeys who were more than happy to maul him for God knows or rather the monkeys know why. Given the fact that Mr. Bajwa was the Delhi BJP senior vice-president for several years, I assumed that the monkeys would have loved him. Guess I was wrong. Please don't judge me by thinking I am having fun at the expense of a dead person, I am merely pointing out the irony of the situation.

Someone who is driven by an ideology that monkeys are sacred, that any interruption to the monkeys' way of life would bring down the wrath of Gods themselves, doesn't mind disturbing their habitat or encroaching their territory, then goes on to do absolutely nothing about it or rather blocks any move to do something about it. I am sad yet relieved it was Mr. Bajwa who had to pay the price for his ideology and inaction, and not some child as in this regrettable incident from Banglore. So how do we tackle this menace now, bring in bigger monkeys to control the smaller ones. Brilliant!

Low. Sigh!

Being in India for three months after three years has its own pluses and minuses. Yummy food, loads of attention, time with family and friends, the excitement in being home, nostalgic memories; most yearned for, and the list goes on endlessly. The greatest downside to it all is home sickness. The wretched feeling that all those goodies were short lived and the fact that your home is on the other side of the planet doesn't help one bit. I know I may be too old for it, but heck yea, I am home sick. What makes it even more miserable is there is no one around to cheer me up. Sigh!

Old West German TV Series

Some of my most cherished memories of Doordarshan (DD) from childhood to early teens were those of the West German TV series produced by Transtel and Cologne. I was a great fan of all of them and I still am. These series were usually dubbed in English and were played on DD1 and DD2, long before onslaught of cable and now satellite television. They had a certain charm to them, which captivated me, held me glued to the TV set and finally left me with a feeling of euphoria that lingered on… Yes, I am taking about TV series. I experienced a certain bonding with the characters and overtime it felt as if they were my good friends.

Thanks to Jetix, a rerun of "Didi's comedy show" brought back a flood of all those sweet memories. I vividly remember those animated discussions we had in school about didi's antics, how I used to roll on the floor and laugh at something that Didi did or said and how much my stomach would hurt from all the laughing. This time around at home, I was watching the same with father. Jetix had the show dubbed in Tamil which if anything made it even more hilarious not in an oddball kind of way, but in exactly the same way as a good comedian would perform. The best part of it all was watching it with father. It's sometimes astonishing to see how grown up adults, myself and father, could laugh our hearts out at a TV show.

Derrick was another series that I was really crazy about. It was set in Munich where two police detectives, Stephan Derrick and Harry Klein, would systematically solve murder cases by the sole power of their reasoning alone. Stephan Derrick played by Horst Tappert had a commanding screen presence and I still remember how calm and composed he was through out the entire series, how he would cross-examine and probe inconsistencies and finally how he would break the accused down, that in most cases they usually end up confessing to the crime. Later years when I had the opportunity to watch more such investigative TV series or movies, what struck me most was unlike others, Derrick didn't have any violence involved, no knives, no guns, and no blood, just Derrick's pure brilliance.

Der Fahnder or The Investigator as its called in its English version was another favorite of mine. Faber played by Klaus Wennemann plays the lead role in the series. This was another police investigative series that is fast paced, exciting, intense, riveting, exhilarating and what not. Faber is young, dynamic, impatient police detective always on the look out for action. Well yea, as a kid I sort of wanted to be like him. It's not just the action that made it appealing to me but Faber's brilliant investigative methods, his personality, the friendly nature of the other characters and a sort of attachment you feel with Faber and his family. The title music was one of the best I have heard for any TV series so far. Derrick and Der Fahnder both were sixty minute episodes with a murder, investigation and a conclusion.

Telematch contains a series of games that were played between two little German towns. I loved the series since they always came up with very interesting games to play. I also remember I generally had no penchant towards any of the teams. I would usually support the one that's having the highest points on the board and hence my support would vary several times during a single match.

I grew with these series and thinking about them engulfs me with a feeling of nostalgia. How I wish I could be a kid again. The feeling of watching one of these series while being papered by mom, well what can I say, is just priceless.

PS: I just googled for Klaus Wennemann and found that he left us on 7^th January 2000. He will be sorely missed.

Mom :)

In spite of an absolute lack of time, I just couldn't resist posting this. Mom, this is so very true. Nobody even comes close.

PS: I am sorry to have kept you folks waiting but you've got to bear with me for a few more days :-(

Vacation and work

Its been quite sometime since I posted anything here. I am on vacation in Madras but the relentless call of work cannot be ignored, still I try. So much to write about, father, mother, brother, friends, madras so on and so forth. With closed eyes and a deep breath, I am taking it all in and it simply overwhelms me. Three years has been far too long to be away from home. I should be posting quite a few new entries but don't know when, hopefully sooner than later.

Wonder why

It hurts so much
when you lose something
that was never really yours.

"We are ready to die, we are soldiers."

Never can I really understand the reason why countries, factions or people go to war. What is it that they are fighting for, that they are more than willing and believe they have the right to take the lives of others? The losses are so colossal that it doesn't justify any rationale behind people raging to engage in war. I do not want to go into the depths of explaining why war is wrong because for one I am not the right person and two even if I did, the complexities involved are so enormous that this post will do no justice.

Having said that, I have great respect for soldiers and what they do. To whole heartedly give up ones life so that someone else can peacefully live his or hers, is the noblest thing any one can do. Its one thing to give up your life trying to protect yourself and your family, another thing trying to protect your countrymen but it's completely something else to willingly put your life on the line to protect someone else with whom you share absolutely no affinity be it cultural, genetic, geographical or emotional.

I was reading a BBC news article on a group of all female UN peace keeping force from India to Liberia. At the end of the article was this quote by one of the soldiers, "We are ready to die, we are soldiers.". This particular quote had an immediate impact on me for the simply reason that I cannot ever imagine saying this myself. When I tried, it sent a chill down my spine and set into motion different trains of thought.

Having a family of her own, wouldn't she want to watch her kids' grow up, share her life with her husband, care for her parents and siblings, enjoy all the lovely things life has to offer? How is her life any different than ours? Yet there she is fighting someone else's war, not knowing if she will come out alive the next day. God forbid, if she doesn't, then what, a simple funeral, a short eulogy, remembered only by family, a few friends and forgotten by the rest of the world. Even though she may not be fighting for a cause, glory, idea, freedom, respect or fame, she is my true hero.

What lies beneath the truth?

I love you.

You are my friend.

I am the way I am; I can’t change.

It’s not you, it’s me.

I got over him/her.

Perhaps, I don’t deserve you.

I can lose weight.

I can quit smoking.

I don’t watch porn.

I don’t drink often. (Just socially everyday.)

I don’t care what they think/do.

I never lie.

You are right.

I can understand.

I am listening.

How much of a life changing experience is it?

I've heard people often say they have had a life changing experience. An experience so profound that it redefines your very definition of life itself. An experience they say, that makes you realize:

How much more there is to live for.
How much less you’ve accomplished in life.
How much people you hardly knew cared for you.
How much more people you intimately knew cared for you.
How much less you should’ve cared about worthless things.

How much more you should’ve cared about the worthwhile ones.

How much you miss some people.
How much you were missed.
How much less some people think about you.
How much less you think about them.
How much things could have gone wrong.
How much things have gone right.
How much less time you got in this world.
How much of it you wasted doing nothing.

How much you wished you had done the things that you've always wanted to,

With those few special loved ones that you've always wanted to be with.

How much you wish you haven’t done the things that you have,
To the ones who didn’t matter.
How much close you brought your own destruction,
Much less others, by your own stupidity.
How much closure making peace with your dear ones can bring,
More so with yourself.
How much you wished you never had to experience this.
How much you wish you had realized it all without one.

I too have had such an experience and those were 24 lines of my realization.